Gym Ordo
by Hika-and-Kao
Summary: Dumbledore decides that it's about time to start a gym class. Summary sucks, but the fic doesn't! HP/SS slash, and disregards a lot from the books.
1. The Plan

_**Hey all! **__^^ Hi! __**We're finally back, and with a new fic, no less! **__Yeah. We've been kinda busy… but it's okay now. __**^^ Yup. We hope you like this fic! Enjoy!**_

_**Bold is Cinder(Who is writing as Harry)**_

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_And regular is Hika(Who is writing as Snape)_

**Chapter One: The Plan**

_**~~**~~*Harry*~~**~~**_

_**Harry,**_

_**I would very much appreciate it if you would come to my office precisely five minutes after you finish reading this note.**_

_**Albus**_

**I had already read it a second time before I realized that I had a time limit, which is why I burst into the headmaster's office four minutes later, panting and sweating.**

"**Ah, Harry. Good of you to join us. I hope it wasn't any trouble for you to make it in my allotted time," Dumbledore twinkled his eyes at me.**

"**N-no, sir," I clutched a stitch in my side, wheezing slightly.**

"**Lovely. And I believe that we have already discussed that you may call me Albus. You **_**are **_**training to be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and at twenty, no less. Wonderful, wonderful," Albus babbled. "But now, I think we can begin." **

**I glanced around the room instinctively.**

"**Ouch!" I rubbed my neck painfully. Unfortunately, I nearly gave myself whiplash doing a double-take.**

**In the room with us, giving his signature sneer, was Severus Snape, the Potions master. His sneer became more intense when he noticed my glare.**

"**Why is **_**he **_**here?" We said in unison, causing more sneers and glares.**

"**I was about to explain that, if you'll let me continue," Albus' voice was amused. With a flick of his wand, two chairs appeared, arm to arm. One was shiny and glittery, while the other was plain black leather. Before I could move, Snape was perched on the farthest edge of the black chair, away from the horrifying one.**

"**I think I'll just stand…" I moved a few inches away from the sparkling monstrosity(which had begun to flash in multiple colors).**

"**No, no. I insist! You must be tired from your run," Albus was practically forcing me to the multi-colored squishy thing. Grudgingly, I took my seat, mirroring Snape, only slightly closer to the edge of the bloody chair, so as to escape at a moments notice. Out of the corner of my eye, Snape had a slightly nasty smug look in addition to his sneer.**

"**Now, I think we can begin." Albus sat in his own chair and folded his hands. "As you both know, Voldemort is dead for a few years. That does not mean that a similar situation couldn't happen in the future. Therefore, I have decided to add another class to the curriculum. Physical education is as important as anything else, which is why I have designed the course. It is, as I believe the muggles call it, 'gym' class," Dumbledore blessed us with one of his award-winning smiles.**

"**And how, exactly, does this involve me-us?" Snape corrected himself with a slight air of irritation.**

"**Yes, yes. I was hoping that **_**you **_**would teach it, Severus. Harry is to be your assistant, seeing as he isn't yet an actual professor." For the first time in my life, I saw Severus Snape visibly twitch.**

"**And if I refuse?" He scooted forward in his chair in agitation.**

"**Oh Severus. You won't refuse."**

"**You know this for a fact?"**

"**But of course."**

"**Very well."**

**I watched this exchange with amusement. It was kind of funny to see someone hold so much power over the surly Potions master.**

"**What of our respective classes?" Snape asked.**

"**They will continue as before. The gym classes will be held in the Great Hall-here. I have schedules right here. Take a gander." He handed both of us slips of parchment. They read:**

_**Physical Education (Gym)**_

_**Monday: Morning-First Years**_

_**Evening-Third Years**_

_**Tuesday: Morning-Second Years**_

_**Evening-Fourth Years**_

_**Wednesday: Morning-Fifth Years**_

_**Evening-Sixth Years**_

_**Thursday: Morning-Seventh Years**_

_**Evening-Fifth Years**_

_**Friday: Morning-Second Years**_

_**Evening-First Years**_

_**Saturday: Morning-Sixth Years**_

_**After Lunch-Fourth Years**_

_**Evening-Third Years**_

_**(It is not mandatory for Seventh Years, hence only one class)**_

**I bit back a sigh. Of course. Every morning and evening with the Snape, and the entirety of Saturdays. My only break was Sunday.**

"**Oh, and I expect reports on how the classes are going on Sundays. You will come to my office at eight each Sunday morning, and leave at ten." My jaw dropped. (A/N: Does anyone else think that Dumbledore is trying to do something mischievous? No? I guess it's just me…)**

"**As you wish. Can I go back to planning the upcoming years curriculum?" Snape didn't even bat an eye at Albus' new rule.**

"**Of course, Severus. Although I'm sure you're nearly finished. Only three weeks until term starts! My how time flies. Harry, can you stay for just a moment longer?" I had stood up,(the chair was obscenely rainbow, dotted with unicorns) hoping to escape unnoticed.**

"**Yes si-Albus?" I corrected myself. Dumbledore smiled. I heard the door close as Snape exited the room.**

"**Not that I'm opposed to it being long, but I think you should cut your hair for this upcoming term. I think you'll find it much easier to observe, learn, and instruct gym classes with it shorter."**

"**Wh-what? Does Sna-Sev-Pro-**_**he **_**have to cut his hair?" I sputtered. I quite liked my long hair. It made me feel more roguish and manly than I really was.**

"**No, Severus has had much more experience. I think it would be better if you're vision wasn't obscured. You need to be able to see what's in front of you, or else it's going to slip away… or, at least, you're going to run into it. Then, I think that neither of you would be very happy…" Albus' eyes had a faraway and cloudy look to them, so I left the office, dumbstruck, not to understand the real meaning behind his words for quite a while.**

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_**^_^ Ah Dumbles. You never fail to impart wisdom... **Well, R&R please! We already got chapter two written... But we would like your insight. ^^ **Yeah. PEACE OUT HOMESLICE! **-.- Until next chapter..._

_~**Cinder a**nd Hika_


	2. An Essence of Cat

… _**Well, as we said at the end of the first chapter, we've had some of these later ones written up for a while… real life just got in the way… XD And Hika's away for a little bit anyways, so I'll have the pleasure of trying to update all of our stories, except Of Feathers and Fabric, because Hika needs to find our written drafts… -.- Anyways, here's the second chapter. And before I forget, WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. We only write our strange yaoi fantasies with the characters. XD Enjoy!**_

_**Bold is Cinder as Harry**_

_Regular is Hika as Snape_

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_~~**~~*Severus*~~**~~_

Albus was planning something. I could feel it. I just wasn't quite sure what yet.

"Why am I to be inflicted with… _Potter_?" I mumbled to myself as I paced back and forth in front of my desk.

"Could he be…? No… It wouldn't dare to attempt… Would he? No… It would never work… too much loathing…" I muttered, dropping a few unicorn hairs into the cauldron before me. Frequently, when I become filled with more than the normal amount of seething hatred, I turn to brewing up a random potion to soothe me. The delicate art of potion making requires me to set aside my anger and focus on getting the perfect mix of ingredients. It offers me solace in my times of sorrow.

Mid-thought, I was suddenly accosted by a ball of white fur.

"Minerva! I am working! You know you aren't supposed to bother me when I'm working!" I scolded the cat. (A/N: Snape has a cat which he named Minerva, after McGonagall. This cat is not the real McGonagall.) She gave me an annoyed look.

"Woman! Don't give me that look! Now sod off, you dread beast," I ordered. She slicked back her ears in anger and shoved my cauldron off of the desk, splashing the potion on to me in the process. I felt myself start to shrink instantly. Fearing the worst, I looked over to the mirror on the other side of the room. I groaned, taking in my new body. It was that of me at the age of four.

"Bugger…" I muttered as I stalked off toward Albus' office for the second time that day.

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_**Okay, so it's not that long. But next chapter is longer. *proud* And you get it right away. Hopefully that's payment enough for our absence… ^_^; Review please! Reviews feed our souls, and help keep Minerva(Snape's cat) happy!**_


	3. Absurdities

_**Aha! I told you there would come another one soon. And you didn't even get time to review last chapter. XD Oh well. Hopefully you reviewed it anyways. We always appreciate constructive criticism. It makes our world go round. So enjoy this next chapter~ And we still DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. Even though we wish we did…**_

_**Bold is Cinder as Harry.**_

_Regular is Hika as Snape._

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_~~**~~*Harry*~~**~~_

** "Hey Andrew," I greeted the man who, in a year's time, I would be succeeding.**

** "Ah, Harry. I'm glad Albus let you go at a decent time," Andrew walked into the room wearing nothing but a towel.**

** Andrew Quibl(Pronounced like kibble.). Twenty-six years old, Defence teacher for three years, and wonderful in bed.**

** "And why is that, oh lover of mine?" I teased. Andrew's tan face grew a bit darker. **

** "Not for that. There's time later. I was just wondering if you could run me an errand."**

** I sighed. Of course he needed something done. That's why I love him, but I'm not **_**in**_** love with him. That and he's not really the kind of guy you can settle down with.**

** "But…" I put on my saddest face and walked over to him. "What if I have something better to… **_**do**_**?"**

** At that point, I had backed him into a chair. Slowly, I got into his lap, straddling him.**

** "As much as I want to, and believe me, **_**I want to**_**, I really need this errand done. But," he added quickly, noticing my disappointment, "whether you're in the mood or not later, I'm going to shag your brains out." Before I could say anything, he closed what little space was between us and kissed me. **

** Ten minutes later, we broke apart. **

** "I need you to go to Severus' office and get a book I lent him. And boy? You better hurry," Andrew growled through clenched teeth, sending a shiver down my spine. Smiling, I hopped off and went in search of the blasted book.**

**_^_ OvO _^_ OvO _^_**

** Now, I've seen a weird thing or two in my day. But this particular thing definitely made the top five. (A/N: I guess I should mention this now, so as to not confuse anyone. Snape is an animagus. He turns into a black cat with one white paw, which is exactly the opposite of his own cat, Minerva.) **

** I was humming, minding my own business, when a black cat came trotting from the other direction. Naturally, I thought it was Mr. Norris(Filch had to replace Mrs. Norris. She met an… **_**unfortunate**_** death…), so I aimed a kick at him. I wasn't counting on it to land.**

** "MRRROWW!" he screeched as he flew through the air. In the few seconds it too for the cat to land, I realized about four things. First, that wasn't Mr. Norris. Mr. Norris was completely black, whereas this cat had a white paw. Second, this cat didn't look much older than a kitten, and I immediately felt horrible. Third, what **_**cat**_** doesn't land on it's feet? Fourth, I realized that this **_**wasn't**_** a cat. When I ran over to inspect the damage I'd caused, I blinked, and all of a sudden, there was a small child where the kitten had been.**

** "Oh Merlin! I'm **_**so**_** sorry! I thought you were Mr.- Nevermind. How are you an animagus? Are you oka-" I stopped short as the young boy looked up and gave me a horribly familiar sneer. Against my better judgment, I picked the child up to inspect further. **

** All in all, that was a bad choice.**

** "Ouch! Hey! Stop kicking me! Are you by chance related to Sn- Severus Snape?" I managed to pin his flailing limbs to my chest. That earned me another sneer. **

** "Release me at **_**once**_**, Potter!" he squeaked. I was so startled, I almost dropped him.**

** "W-what?" I stammered. **

** "Release me! Is it not plain enough, even for your poor sighted eyes, to see that I need to see the headmaster immediately?"**

** "Snape?" I asked. The miniature Potions Master snorted.**

** "Clearly." Yup. It was him alright.**

** "Since when have you been an animagus? A cat, no less?" I asked, ignoring the angry squeaks coming from my fun-sized colleague.**

** "Since none of your business! Now let go!" Now he was starting to act the age he looked. His bottom lip was sticking out. If I hadn't known who it was, it might've been cute. Hell, even though it **_**was**_** Snape, it was cute. I had a really bad urge to pinch his cheek.**

** I quickly rid my head of any thoughts (Pure or impure…) about the pint sized man.**

** "I'm giving you to the count of three…" Snape struggled a bit more. I couldn't help but snicker. Snape growled. "What's so funny?"**

** "It's just… what exactly were you planning to do on three? I have complete control over you," I laughed. Snape's face turned bright red.**

** "Fine! If you refuse to put me down, then at least take me to the bloody headmasters office!" His voice was wavering, and his big dark eyes filled up with tears.**

** "O-okay! I will, but only because I need to get a book that you borrowed from Andrew out of your office." I began to walk back the way I had come. Snape's bottom lip stuck out even further as his pout became more intense. Without thinking, I hugged him closer, feeling the need to console the poor thing.**

** "Potter! Loosen your grip at once! You are suffocating me!" Snape squeaked angrily. I snickered and loosened my grip.**

** After a few more minutes, the position he was in had become unbearably painful. Before I could shift the bloody man-child, there was a loud **_**pop! **_**The next think I felt after could only be described in one word. **

** "GMERGACLE!" I slapped my hands to my right cheek as a ball of black fur clawed its way up to my head. "MERLIN'S MOST HORRIFYINGLY PINK KNICKERS! WHY WOULD YOU BLOODY **_**DO**_** THAT?" I yelled at the kitten that was now nestled in my hair. It let out a mew that sounded strangely like laughter. Even more irritated, I stomped off toward the Headmaster's office once more, with small, thorn-like claws kneading into my scalp.**

_~~**~~*Severus*~~**~~ _

_ Warm, clean. Happy, happy, purr._

_ Knead. _

_ Purr._

_ Happy happy._

_ Love._

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_**Bahahaha, I love tiny child!Snape. XD He's kind of adorable…**_

_**For future reference, Snape won't quite remember what he thinks when he's in cat form. He messed up something in the process of becoming an animagus, and it caused him to not have quite a hold on his human mind in cat form. But it's all good. Makes for a more interesting plot. XD And Snape can't make his own antidote because his wand was lying on his desk, and all of the ingredients were out of reach. So Dumbledore is pretty much his only hope at this point.**_

_**Review please! We love reviews like we love Snarry! Meaning, A LOT! XD 3**_


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